Knight Of The Mind

I'll do my best to present a philosophical and generally conservative look at current events and life, the universe and everything. Readers are invited to take all that's posted herein with a grain of salt. or if they prefer, a grain of salt, a slice of lime and a shot of tequila.

Location: Alexandria, Virginia, United States

Greetings and welcome. My name is Steve, I'm 35 years old and I work for the US Army as an Operations Research Analyst. Hence my blog title Knight Of The Mind.

Friday, June 04, 2004

It's Tough Listening Sophisty As Well

A moderator on the truly fair and balanced DeSoto Times posted this cutey in one their discussion rooms. It's quite a piece of work and merits a response in kind.

Tough Being a Republican

It is very tough to be a Republican in 2004, because somehow, you have to believe concurrently that:

1. Jesus loves you, but shares your deep hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

Answer - I know plenty of conservatives who are agnostic, if not atheist. I've met bhuddists and muslims who aren't particularly crazy about the feminist, environmentalist or the consumer protection movements. Religion is not a litmus test for GOP affiliation or conservative philosophical beliefs.

2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, but our highest national priority is enforcing U. N. resolutions against Iraq.

Answer: Our highest moral calling is defeating terrorism, which is currently employed, bankrolled and enjoys the political and popular support of a number of countries in the Middle East. Several of which are under UN resolutions which the UN lacks the resolve and intestinal fortitude to support.

3 . "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

Answer: Hard-core Jingo Conservatives like Larry Ellison, Ceo of Oracle and major contributer to MoveOn.Org, really need to stop off-shoring their high-paying computer programmer jobs. It's a crying shame.

4. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all humankind without regulation.

Answer: If a woman has a five-year old brat that drives her crazy, should she be allowed to blow it's face off in order to perserve her mental health? Allowing her to make decisions regarding her mental sanity should be at least as fundamental a right as taking care of her body.

Multi-national corporation lack the fundamental power to make any decisions that effect all of mankind. I have yet to ever hear of a country where that corporation would be completely unregulated.

5. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

Answer: If we're not obligated to offer our prayers to criminals, why is it considered a moral sin to execute someone who has murdered his fellow man? If OJ Simpson was innocent until proven guilty, why does Rush Limbaugh face a different standard of proof?

6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

Answer: A $1.8 Billion budgetary increase is not a cut. If it causes the salaries and benefits to increase at a greater rate than the rate of inflation, it is an increase.

7. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins, unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

Answer: After 8 years of the so-called Clinton Presidency, a man with an iota of shame would quietly edit this list and remove item #7. It's a good thing liberals consider what once was shame to now just be publicity. Perhaps that explains Arnold's high volume of crossover votes.

Also, why is it that a President can hire interns for the express purpose of slobbing his knob, but the dutiful liberal demands a Vestal Virgin's oath of chastity from Governers of California. It also seems that a lot of these liberals that want Arnold to star as Conan the Cloistered had no strong objections to Governor Moonbeam flagrantly boning Linda Ronstadt during his tenure in office.

8. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

Answer: So liberals want them in schools so that they'll screw like minks on Levitra? One pathetic strawman deserves another.

9. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, but then demand their cooperation and money.

Answer: An even better way to fight it is to kow who your allies are and to behave accordingly. When these so-called allies a)resent the presence of your soldiers on their soil and accuse you of occupying them and b) are financially bankrolling a leader who in turn hands that money over to a lot of the same terrorists you are fighting, these countries are tergivorates. They are not allies.

10. HMOs and insurance companies make profits and have the interest of the public at heart.

Answer: No corporation has any more concern about your intrest than you have about their's. Either you like their products and buy them or you don't like them and don't buy them. Either they like your resume and hire you, or they don't like your resume but are at least congenial enough not to call you the pathetic loser that you probably are, if you're whinning about corporations instead of finding a job and performing a valuable service.

11. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

Answer: There are functional hospitals that can provide these services in the US. Some of them, despite the best efforts of liberals, remain private, rather than Federally owned.

12. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

Answer: I apologize for ever doubting the scientific validity of anything that Internet Inventor, Thomas Edison Gore would ever set down to paper. I, for one, believe creationism should be taught at school. Sunday School. I don't smoke and have no plans of voting for Nader. Again, for a bunch of people who believe profiling is a bad policy, you liberals traffic heavily in profoundly misguiding stereotypes.

P.S. Creationist blowhard William Jennings Bryant ran as a Democrat until he was laughed out of the commune and represented parties that were further to the left.

13. It is okay that the Bush family's "Carlisle Group" has done millions of business with the Bin Laden family.

Answer: Sure, Armand Hammer should have done more business with Brehznev as well.

14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him and Rumsfeld reassured him he was our buddy, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, but then a bad guy again when Bush junior
needed a prop for his re-election campaign as the "war president"

Answer: You're on drugs. He was an a--hole the entire time. He was less of an a--hole than Khomeni. More of an a--hole than King Fahd and the Sultan of Brunei, less of an a--hole than the UN Oil For Food Commisars who fed him the $$$ he later payed to Cheney, and only slightly more of an a--hole than Hans Blix. His stock rose and fall just like the Asian currencies that George Soros made his fortune off of. If this makes no sense, reread what it was writeen in response to. It's tough arguing with a manic depressive who's flushed the lithium pills.

15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying about WMD existence, to enlist support for an unprovoked, undeclared war and occupation, in which thousands of soldiers and civilians die, is, somehow, solid "defense" policy in a "War against Terrorism".

Answer: A) Bush didn't lie. B) Bush wasn't under oath. C) Sarin and mustard gas currently remain classified as WMD. This was the rationale of the US Armed forces destroying our stockpiles of both under President Clinton. Unlike Saddam Hussein, the US actually destroys the weapons we say we will destroy.

If I were to play as fast and loose with the truth as the person who wrote this list, I could argue that Saddam lied about destroying these weapons under oath and therefore the 4th ID impeached him with a slightly stronger emphasis.

16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution and promote states rights, which should include "banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet".

Liberals believe the government should abolish the digital devide by taxing the internet; thereby making the access fees charged for its use to skyrocket. If liberals hate bible-thumpers so much, why would they ever bring their life partners to a non-denominational Church of What's Happening Now for a hitching party?

17. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's Harken Oil stock trade should be sealed in his Daddy's library, and is none of our business.

George Bush wasn't meeting his margin calls out of other people's accounts. So you're right, it's nobody's business regardless of where he stores the trade data.

18. What Bill Clinton or John Kerry did in the 1960s was of vital national interest but what Bush did in the '80's is irrelevant.

Bill Clinton and John kerry shouldn't flatter themselves.

19. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a "spirit of international harmony".

Tienamen Square was a human rights tradgedy, Castro's five death camps are merely reeducation centers or correctional facilities. For a bunch of people with chapped arses over tobacco abuse, these liberals sure have a hankering for Cuban Tobacco. China has never had the capability to place a nuclear missile 90 miles away from our shores.

20. Affirmative Action is wrong, but that it is OK for your Daddy and His friends (here and in Saudi Arabia) to get you to graduate from Yale without studying much, to dodge the draft in the Texas Air National Guard, to bail out your company Harken Oil and the Texas Rangers, to get the Governorship of Texas and then to have the Supreme Court appoint you President of the USA.

Answer: Affirmative Action is wonderful, until I need a presidential campaign staff. In that case, showing up for an NAACP speaking engagement 3 hours late has no message content whatsoever.

21. You are a conservative, but it is OK to spend like there is no tomorrow and run up deficits that your grandchildren will have to pay, while at the same refunding as much tax money as possible to rich people who do not need it.

Answer: Ok, you list the programs you want cut, I'll list the ones I want cut. We'll disagree and government spending will continue to increase like there's no tommorrow. I also have yet to talk to liberal who sent that tax refund back and demanded bigger government either.


As you may or may not already be aware, members of the Watcher's Council hold a vote every week on what they consider to be the most link-worthy pieces of writing around... per the Watcher's instructions, I am submitting one of my own posts for consideration in the upcoming nominations process.
Here is the most recent winning council post, here is the most recent winning non-council post, here is the list of results for the latest vote, and here is the initial posting of all the nominees that were voted on.

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